4 Strategies to Reduce Expectation Frustration

Do you remember your life BL (Before Leadership)?

I don’t remember much about that time, but I do remember significantly fewer expectations.

Leaders do many, many things. And they are expected to. After all, they are the leader.

I suspect you feel this all the time. Your team wants clarity, and that expectation falls on your shoulders. Your staff needs your decision, and that expectation is a weight only you carry. Someone on your staff emailed you, but you’ven’t responded in 10 minutes. It’s Saturday, but you’ve not met their expectation. And you’ll hear all about it tomorrow.

Expectation Frustration

This is not new, so I’ll keep it short.

Nearly all frustration occurs in the gap between experience and expectation. If you are a leader, every person on your team has expectations of you, how leaders should lead, and the organization at large. These expectations, often unsaid, frequently go unmet, creating frustration with you, your leadership, and the organization.

The results are dangerous. Frustrated staff underperform and over-complain. Not initially, but as unmet expectations increase, so do poor attitudes.

So what should we leaders do?

Working with Expectations

One solution would be to ask everyone to forgo their expectations. Good luck. You have them, too, making this not an option.

Another option is to meet every expectation. You could allow every expectation to become your obligation. This is an equally bad idea.

If you lead a team, department, division, or even an organization, try this:

1. Communicate YOUR Expectations

Most people want to meet leadership’s expectations. Unfortunately, in too many cases, employees wonder what their leader expects. They eventually find out the hard way.

I did this in my leadership role at Woodstock City Church. It became clear that I expected people to be in the office during office hours. I know … what a jerk! The problem was that many of our staff had relational jobs that required them to be outside the office during office hours, meeting with volunteers and community leaders.

I never said that being at a desk from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. was expected. I also never said it wasn’t expected. That lack of clarity was the gap that allowed for an assumption to grow (fester).

The solution was simple: I communicated my expectations. And frustrations immediately decreased.

2. Ask Your Team What They Expect

And be prepared for some fun answers!

Some of their expectations will be unrealistic. Most will be helpful. When you unearth what your team expects, you can better close the gap between their experiences with you and their expectations of you.

When you have an open conversation about their expectations, you can clearly explain why you can or can’t meet their expectations. And, when you mess up, you can fess up quickly.

Let me share another example from my bad leadership example bank: When our church was in our greatest growth season, we asked staff and volunteers to park offsite. That included me. I parked off-site every week. Except for one. One week, I was running late and had to preach that morning. It was also pouring rain, and I didn’t have an umbrella. And I was carrying my “preaching” shirt. So, I parked on the side of the church, close to a door, to get inside more quickly and stay somewhat dry.

It didn’t take long for the subtle jabs and passive-aggressive comments to ensue. My first reaction was to do some explaining. “Listen, my job is much more complicated. I can’t stand on our stage in front of 4,000 adults today, soaking wet. The production team needed me inside 10 minutes ago…” Blah, blah, blah.

All of that was accurate. And irrelevant. My team expected me to do what I asked them to do, and I didn’t. It was only once, but that was enough. Especially when they walked right by my car from the satellite parking lot, soaking wet.

Asking your team what they expect is a simple yet powerful way to open the gates of expectation conversation.

TO BE CLEAR: Your team’s expectations are not your obligations. Opening this conversation should not become Pandora’s box. When an unfair or unrealistic expectation is voiced, take the time to validate their feeling, but don’t leave the conversation without adjusting their expectations to a desire.